Showing posts with label Gary Chapman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gary Chapman. Show all posts

Summertime and Living with Children is NOT Always Easy

🎵"Summertime and the livin' is easy..."🎵 Or so goes the song. For me, having four boys home from school, I would describe summertime more like wild and wooly-not easy. 

Several MOMS asked me to post on my blog, stories about my boys and resources that helped me when parenting my children. The next several posts will include information that I found helpful in raising my four rambunctious boys!

Although summer was a time free from school schedules, and we all liked the break, having a bit of routine helped make sure the "important" stuff happened. Lest you see a nice rosy picture of obedient children, I assure you, it took several weeks (insert whining, arguing, avoidance, etc.) until everyone knew Mom meant business about getting the checklist finished before anything else. 

Every day before any TV, computer, etc., the boys had to complete their checklist:

*Bible reading (and some summers- memorizing Bible verses)

*Reading a book (for 10-20 minutes- time varied on age)

*Practice music lesson (we did not always do summer lessons, but they still had to practice for 15 minutes or so, which most of them loved to do-very therapeutic for my kids, even to this day)

*Exercise (could be biking, running, walking, swimming lessons, playing on the swing set or at the park)

*Complete chores 

For chores, everyone had a few daily chores. Most of the time we would have a chore chart that would change weekly or monthly. During the school year, chores were lighter-their main chore was homework.  One summer I wrote down everything I could think of for cleaning the entire house and each boy had to demonstrate they could successfully do each task. I wanted to be sure they knew how to clean everything. (Hopefully their wives will appreciate it.) Additionally each boy was responsible for loading his own dishes into the dishwasher and putting away 1-2 things from the table...Many hands make light work. 

For laundry I put the clean clothes on my king bed and sorted into each child's designated corner of the bed. (When I was little, Mom had a table right by the dryer. Each of us kids had a specific part of the table where she put our clothes and we each had to fold and put away our own. All the important questions and conversations transpired at the folding table. I have so many fond memories of talking with my mom at the laundry table and wanted to foster the same with my family.)  All my boys were responsible for folding and getting their clothes to their room.  I always had the idea that clothes should be put away in drawers and closets. My teenagers, however, did not all have that same idea. HA! One of my sons, in particular, argued that it was a waste of time to fold and put away clothes only to take them back out again to wear them. Choosing your battles is a fine point of successful parenting. Ultimately that was one battle I decided not to fight. Also as my children got older, I taught them to do their own laundry. (One of my sons insisted on doing his own laundry early on-very particular about how he wanted his clothes washed and dried.)

Dealing with screens is a constant conflict. How much? When? What? Where?Although technology has upsides, it also has downsides, so it is important to figure out as a parent and as a family how to manage it. This blog post addresses some research about screen time:  NixNatureDeficitDisorder

Here are some excellent resources for finding technology balance (and some scary facts):

Screen Kids: 5 Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World by Gary Chapman & Arlene Pellicane

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer

The Tech-Wise Family-Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in its Proper Place by Andy Crouch

Screens and Teens by Kathy Koch, Ph. D.

https: How to Mange Screen time for Your Kids and Grandkids with Jill Savage and Arlene Pellicane The first part is about covid. Around minute 20, she has very useful advice regarding screen time.

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men... You are serving the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24

Summertime, a really fabulous opportunity to positively influence your children! 

CHEERING you on!




Courage Through The Covid-19 Storm: Apologizing

Tips for THRIVING

Tip #10 Identify your apology language and the apology language of your loved ones. Apologize. 


Listen to this blog post on Anchor https://anchor.fm/karen-sue-murdy/episodes/Courage-Through-the-Covid-19-Storm-Apologizing-ee9vuq
and Spotify https://open.spotify.com/episode/5l3VsFkWD6NNAlyuLvayDx 

It was the arsenic hour...The time when everyone is a little bit tired and a lot hungry, when the the unplanned interruptions of the day leaves the list of to-dos still lingering. I was not kind. As I was preparing supper, I was questioning whether the grill's gas tank had been left on. Loudly questioning....condemning my son. Very loudly. My son calmly asked, "Mom, if you are going to yell at me, can we please go inside so the neighbors don't have to listen?" I continued my rant in my whispering voice. All of the sudden the words of Paul came to my mind. "Let your reasonableness be known to everyone." Philippians 4:5a Reasonableness? Yikes. I realized, I messed up. I definitely was not letting my reasonableness be known to my son. 

As I thought about this scenario later, I realized I needed to apologize to my son. A few years ago, we came across the idea of apology languages. I wish I had known about apology languages when I was first married and also when I started parenting. It would have been so helpful for repairing relationship wounds.  


Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas lay out the apology languages in their book called "The Five Languages of Apology-How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships." 
The five languages of apology:
1. Expressing regret-"I am sorry."
2. Accepting responsibility-"I was wrong."
3. Making restitution-"What can I do to make it right?"
4. Genuinely repenting-"I'll try not to do that again."
5. Requesting forgiveness-"Will you please forgive me?"

When I read the apology languages, a light bulb went on for me. At that time, my husband and I had been married for over 20 years. But our lack of understanding and differences in apology languages definitely caused some potentially avoidable problems. 


Living in close quarters like many of us have been in Covid-19 craziness, presents many opportunities for apologizing. What is your apology language? What is the apology language of those closest to you? I hope you learn about to identify and use the apology languages of your loved ones.  



Are we getting a bit of summer time reprieve from the coronavirus? Hopefully! But exercise and time in nature are always good ideas. And Covid-19 has not disappeared...If everyone does their part, we can help get the economy open and keep it open. 

Covid-19 Challenge: Set a timer for 60 minutes and when it rings, gather everyone in your household to take a one minute walk outside and around a tree or two, each person sharing something for which s/he is thankful.  REPEAT. 
(If you are alone, do the same, but text someone what you are thankful for when you come back inside.)

Wash your hands. Try to stay 6 feet apart from those not living in your household. Gather outside instead of inside if you can.  Wear a mask and do NOT touch your face when you are out of your home (like going to the grocery store). Although this has some controversy, for now I am going to wear a mask when I am inside public places because I believe there is evidence to support this helps keep each person's germs away from others to help prevent the spread of disease which in turn will help keep our economy open. 

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