Summertime and Living with Children is NOT Always Easy

🎵"Summertime and the livin' is easy..."🎵 Or so goes the song. For me, having four boys home from school, I would describe summertime more like wild and wooly-not easy. 

Several MOMS asked me to post on my blog, stories about my boys and resources that helped me when parenting my children. The next several posts will include information that I found helpful in raising my four rambunctious boys!

Although summer was a time free from school schedules, and we all liked the break, having a bit of routine helped make sure the "important" stuff happened. Lest you see a nice rosy picture of obedient children, I assure you, it took several weeks (insert whining, arguing, avoidance, etc.) until everyone knew Mom meant business about getting the checklist finished before anything else. 

Every day before any TV, computer, etc., the boys had to complete their checklist:

*Bible reading (and some summers- memorizing Bible verses)

*Reading a book (for 10-20 minutes- time varied on age)

*Practice music lesson (we did not always do summer lessons, but they still had to practice for 15 minutes or so, which most of them loved to do-very therapeutic for my kids, even to this day)

*Exercise (could be biking, running, walking, swimming lessons, playing on the swing set or at the park)

*Complete chores 

For chores, everyone had a few daily chores. Most of the time we would have a chore chart that would change weekly or monthly. During the school year, chores were lighter-their main chore was homework.  One summer I wrote down everything I could think of for cleaning the entire house and each boy had to demonstrate they could successfully do each task. I wanted to be sure they knew how to clean everything. (Hopefully their wives will appreciate it.) Additionally each boy was responsible for loading his own dishes into the dishwasher and putting away 1-2 things from the table...Many hands make light work. 

For laundry I put the clean clothes on my king bed and sorted into each child's designated corner of the bed. (When I was little, Mom had a table right by the dryer. Each of us kids had a specific part of the table where she put our clothes and we each had to fold and put away our own. All the important questions and conversations transpired at the folding table. I have so many fond memories of talking with my mom at the laundry table and wanted to foster the same with my family.)  All my boys were responsible for folding and getting their clothes to their room.  I always had the idea that clothes should be put away in drawers and closets. My teenagers, however, did not all have that same idea. HA! One of my sons, in particular, argued that it was a waste of time to fold and put away clothes only to take them back out again to wear them. Choosing your battles is a fine point of successful parenting. Ultimately that was one battle I decided not to fight. Also as my children got older, I taught them to do their own laundry. (One of my sons insisted on doing his own laundry early on-very particular about how he wanted his clothes washed and dried.)

Dealing with screens is a constant conflict. How much? When? What? Where?Although technology has upsides, it also has downsides, so it is important to figure out as a parent and as a family how to manage it. This blog post addresses some research about screen time:  NixNatureDeficitDisorder

Here are some excellent resources for finding technology balance (and some scary facts):

Screen Kids: 5 Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World by Gary Chapman & Arlene Pellicane

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer

The Tech-Wise Family-Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in its Proper Place by Andy Crouch

Screens and Teens by Kathy Koch, Ph. D.

https: How to Mange Screen time for Your Kids and Grandkids with Jill Savage and Arlene Pellicane The first part is about covid. Around minute 20, she has very useful advice regarding screen time.

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men... You are serving the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24

Summertime, a really fabulous opportunity to positively influence your children! 

CHEERING you on!

Strikes, Curve Balls, and Happy Dancing

As every baseball lover knows, strikes and curve balls are great when happening to your opponent, but not so much fun when they are happening to you.  The past eight months or so, strikes and curve balls have abounded. During this time I literally wanted to just go to sleep and wake up again in eight or nine months to see the outcome. I did not want to be in the game! Thankfully during this time Kathy Pingel was leading an excellent & applicable Bible study titled “Armor of God” by Priscilla Shirer at St. Paul’s Lutheran Church and School, which was incredibly helpful to me. One day as I came out of Bible study the school children were climbing and giggling on the big snow hills near the school. On that cold day my heart was warmed as I remembered the joy of my boys playing on those snow hills. Nothing brought happiness in the winter time to my boys as much as being king of the snow pile. That night I wrote that “happy dance” moment down in my journal.  I began writing “happy dance” moments in my journal every day. The moment that brought happy dancing to me the next day was a washing machine that did not leak as I did a load of laundry - the night before when I went to bed, I noticed that for some unknown reason water was pouring out of my washing machine. I do not know why and thankfully it hasn’t leaked again. Every single day, I experienced happy dance moments: brilliant blue skies and sparkling white snow glistening in bright sunshine, flowering spring trees, beach walks, musicals and cast parties, family fun times punctuated with love and laughter.

Bring on the curve balls. James declares, “I count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” (James 1:2-3)

By writing down happy dance moments, and also going back and reading them, I have experienced peace & joy. Every single day, I have had delightful moments! I realized I didn’t have to know the future outcome of this uncertain time, but I could trust God and live in the present enjoying the blessings of this moment.

In “The Screwtape Letters” by C. S. Lewis, Screwtape, the older and wiser devil, is coaching Wormwood, his young nephew, about tempting people to worry about the future.  “He (God) would therefore have them continually concerned either with eternity (which means being concerned with Him) or with the Present-either meditating on their eternal union with, or separation from, Himself, or else obeying the present voice of conscience, bearing the present cross, receiving the present grace, giving thanks for the present pleasure. Our business is to get them away from the eternal, and from the Present. With this in view, we sometimes tempt a human to live in the Past. But that is of limited value, for they have some real knowledge of the past...far better to make them live in the Future...thought about the Future inflames hope and fear. Also it is unknown to them, so in making them think about it we make them think of unrealities.”  How often we are tempted to live in the past or future, instead of enjoying life with God and enjoying the present.

Writing down my happy dance moments has continually helped me to live in the present, enabling me to give “thanks for the pleasant pleasure”.  As I read over my happy dance moments, I see how much good happens and I’m glad I have not missed all the wonderful blessings of the present.

This morning in my devotion I loved reading about  Habakkuk’s rejoicing, in spite of all kind of trouble. “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the oil fail and the floods yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,” -wow, that’s some serious strikes- “ yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer’s; He makes me tread on my high places.” (Habakkuk 5;17-19)

I don’t know what curve balls and strikes are coming your way, but I strongly encourage you to WRITE down your HAPPY DANCE joy moments every single day. You, too, will experience great joy and God will reassure you that, in spite of strikes and curve balls, there are base hits, doubles, and even home runs, too!

(If you like listening to podcasts, I would encourage you to listen to MurdyCreative.com-October 14, 2018 called "The Present".  Having written this blog post before I heard his podcast, I was surprised. I felt like he was taking the words right out of my mouth??!! Almost like we are related or something. ;) Obviously, this year in our family we have had multiple discussions about living in the present.)