BEST "Rules" for Mother of the Groom

 

"Wear beige and keep your mouth shut!" Those were the initial words of advice from friends when the first of my sons got engaged. 

I do not wear beige and keeping my mouth shut is definitely not my forte.

On the internet are many lists of rules of do's and don't for the Mother of the Groom (and everyone else involved with the wedding). As my third time as Mother of the Groom, I realize every wedding is unique because the circumstances of each bride and groom is different than other ones. 

Here are "my" universal rules for Mother of the Groom:

1. LOVE

Love your son. Love your son's choice for his bride, life partner, and the newest member of your family.  When God blesses parents with a newborn baby, we fall in love with our child. But let's be real, some moments are not so lovely-constant diaper changing, crying of unknown origin, sleepless nights, etc. Perhaps we need to consider our future daughter-in-law in a similar way. What are the characteristics that we can absolutely fall in love with and also realize there may be parts that are not so lovely?

When I got married, my "Mother of the Groom" was not at all warm and fuzzy to me. At times, I perceived that she was downright mean to me. Through the years I began to understand her more than I could appreciate as a young bride. I am so thankful that God did bless our relationship with healing before she died. (A very special story for another time.)  

Recently I had a friend tell me that she has had no contact with her in-laws since she got married- 25+ years ago. When I asked her why she quickly replied, "They're mean!" Ouch. Could that be ME at times? Definitely NOT the legacy I want to leave.  

Love the bride. Ask her questions. Pay attention to her interests, joys, favorite foods. Find out about the challenges in her life. 

Listen. Seek to understand what the bride and groom want for their wedding.  (Conversations are best had when everyone is rested and fed.)

Love is patient, kind, forgiving, and rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  1 Corinthians 13

2. LAUGH

At the end of the day, the bride and groom will be married. No matter how carefully you plan absolutely everything, there will always be something that goes wrong. 

"The cake fell on the floor." That was the bad news my friend's mother met her with as she walked into her wedding reception. The entire cake had slid off the table and splatted on the floor. My friend burst out laughing. Soon everyone was laughing. Even now I smile thinking about that moment that was met with humor instead of stress. 

At my wedding, my bridesmaid sister was pregnant. The August wedding date that my husband hoped would be a typical moderate WI summer temperature was over 100 degrees. The church did not have A.C. -many places in our town did not have A.C in that era-so my other sisters set up a fan for her. When we were all standing up front, my sister realized the fan was blowing not on her, but on the wall. We all started giggling a bit. That little bit of laughter seemed to make the hot temperatures seem a bit cooler. 

When one of my sons got married, the venue did not provide alcohol, but we could bring champagne in for a  toast. We gathered the bride, groom, parents, and siblings and did a taste test of a few different types in order to pick the one we would use on the special day. We had blindfolds and a silly rating scale. The lighthearted evening was such a fun break from the intensity and pressures of wedding planning. The laughter we had that evening created a new special bond between the two families. 

How can you find laughter amidst the pressure for everything to be perfect? In the end, the things that go  wrong, will be the funny stories that will be told and retold. 

 

3. LET IT GO

My eldest son wisely advises brides and grooms to each pick three things that are most important and let everything else go because at the end of the day what is most important is that the bride and groom are married. So much more important than the one wedding day is the marriage that lasts a life time.

Ahhh the bringing together of families and traditions can be tricky. I love to watch "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", but I do not like living it.  Almost every summer for 14 years, one of my nieces or nephews has gotten married. Like a rolling snowball, each wedding seems to add another family wedding "tradition". Now that it is my son getting married, I want to incorporate and honor all these special family "traditions". However, this is not my wedding, it is their wedding. Not all of these "traditions" will happen it is a blending of families. "Let it go." 

My mom had a helpful mantra,'"Don't sweat the small stuff. Make everything the small stuff."

Ida Mall, former National President of LWML, declares, "If it is not about salvation, let it go!" So many things in this world do not ultimately matter. To have a proper perspective on the wedding day rules, Ida's advice rings loud and clear. "If it is not about salvation, let it go." 

Mother of the Groom, how can you love, laugh and let it go?! 

"Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all." 2 Thessalonians 3:16

Thanksgiving...Savor and Share

Do you SAVOR it; SHARE it? 

As Thanksgiving approaches, in my brain I am already savoring the tasty turkey, yummy pumpkin pie, and always my favorite-banana bread. When I was a little girl, we lived in a small town on the railroad line and since we lived next to the church, we often had vagabonds stopping by and asking for food. I remember one Thanksgiving, as Mom prepared to share a big plate of dinner, I was adamant that she add a a healthy portion of banana bread. 

This fall I started leading "Living the Chocolate Life" Bible Study, written by Deb Burma, for a group of treasured moms who love their children, and also lavender, lyrics, jelly beans, peanut M&Ms, almonds, kisses, and Hawaii. 

The first two sessions of the study-a perfect prelude to pondering Thanksgiving: 

Session 1: SAVOR In Christ we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our sins, according to the riches of His grace which He LAVISHES upon us. Ephesians 1:7-8. Wow. Savor that amazing grace.

Session 2: SHARE Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1-2. Share that infinite love.

This Thanksgiving as we gather with others and all that brings-joys, hurt, play, frustrations, connections, disagreements, deliciousness, differences, togetherness, etc.-we savor and share food and life together. More importantly, can we savor and share the love of God and the grace of Jesus, our Savior, with those around us? Can we see past wounding words and clashing conflicts? Can we cover those around us with a warm blanket of Christ's grace and love?

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! 

Thanks be to God for His lavished grace and unimaginable love to us.

How will you SAVOR and SHARE this Thanksgiving and in the days to come? 

Difficult Boss? Difficult Dad (or Other Family Member)? Difficult_______?

Everyone has THAT someone-that difficult person.
As I think about Father's Day quickly approaching, I am so thankful for my kind and wise father who died in 2006. I was so blessed to have a loving father.
But I know some people have a different story- a "Difficult Dad". Or some difficult relationship. Click on this link for a blog post I wrote for Women's Leadership Institute about difficult relationships.
http://wlicuw.org/difficult-boss/

Hope this is helpful for you in dealing with that difficult person in your life.

http://wlicuw.org/profile/speaker-karen-sue-hinz-murdy/


The Women's Leadership Institute educates, encourages, and emboldens Christian women for exemplary leadership. I am thankful for the many ways WLI has educated, encouraged, and emboldened me through conferences, workshops, interactions with inspirational leaders, and their website.
Check out more information about Women's Leadership Institute http://wlicuw.org/

Lent...No Fear

Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent...NO FEAR

This week as I was thinking about the upcoming Lenten season, my mind turned to a blog post I wrote for Concordia Publishing House a few years ago...


It starts out with "My friend bought an old, but low mileage, cute Volkswagen Bug. But this car had sat immobile for too long. Almost immediately, the car’s fuel pump failed... 
Keep reading here https://blog.cph.org/read/everyday-faith/exercising-eating-stewardship-lent-related
This article first appeared on the CPH Blog March 9, 2017.

If I can encourage you in any way with "No Fear" or your healthy exercise & eating lifestyle, please feel free to contact me at ksmurdy@gmail.com

Exercising, Eating, Stewardship, Lent...How are these related?

Four sons...Cars. Cars. Cars. Cars. A common topic at our house.  Throw in some beach walks contemplating stewardship combined with hearing an excellent sermon and here is what happened:

Exercising, Eating, Stewardship, Lent...How are these related?

My friend bought an old, but low mileage, cute Volkswagen Bug. But this car had sat. Almost immediately, the car’s fuel pump failed. Next the water pump failed. Soon the belts failed. And so on. Our bodies are very much like that little Bug. If we don’t use them, we lose them, so to speak.
Continue reading here:
http://blog.cph.org/everyday-faith/exercising-eating-stewardship-lent-related/

This article first appeared March 9, 2017 on the CPH Blog

Cut It OFF!?!

“Cut it Off?!”

When I am afraid,    I put my trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.

   What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4

“Cut it off! Cut it off!” screamed the third grader in room 4 of the Emergency Room.

Earlier that day, my 4 boys and several neighborhood children were happily climbing on the play structure in our backyard.  I briefly stepped away from grilling the pork chops,and into the kitchen. Just as I commented to my husband, that the kids were all playing so nicely together, my oldest son came rushing in from the back yard. “Colin just fell and broke his arm.”

“Right, Eeyore.  I’m sure you can just tell by looking,” I contended.

“Go look for yourself,” he replied.

As I dashed outside, I saw Colin lying on the ground with what looked like 2 elbows, as a bone protruded from the middle of his lower right arm.

As my husband loaded Colin into the suburban and dashed to the ER, I called my neighbor to come over to watch the kids, so I could head to the ER, too.

Walking into the ER, I heard my son’s scream of agony and pain coming from room 4. (And I quickly requested more pain medicine for poor Colin!) Eventually the surgeon arrived and assured Colin that he would fix his arm not by cutting it off, but in surgery.

What pain causes you to plead with God to “cut it off” today?  What worry? What situation?  An illness personally or an illness of a loved one?  A relationship issue in your marriage, with a co-worker, or someone else? A difficult financial situation for you or your grown children?  Can you turn it over to the Savior? Just like Colin had to trust the doctor, can you trust in the Savior to provide exactly the care you need?  Can you trust that God, in His infinite wisdom, knows and understands more than you?  Our God, who cares for you so much more than the doctor who cared for Colin, loves you with an everlasting love. “But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting Ps.103:17.”  God loved you enough to come to this world to be your Savior.   Put your trust in God who so incredibly loves you! God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Ps. 46:1  Do not be afraid. Trust in God. Depend on the Savior.

Colin is now working on an awesome vialamp to bring light to the world. VIALAMP Read about it in the previous post or by clicking on the vialamp link above. I'm sure it is so much easier to complete his work with both arms and I'm sure he's so glad the ER staff did not listen to his pleas to "cut it off".