BEST "Rules" for Mother of the Groom

 

"Wear beige and keep your mouth shut!" Those were the initial words of advice from friends when the first of my sons got engaged. 

I do not wear beige and keeping my mouth shut is definitely not my forte.

On the internet are many lists of rules of do's and don't for the Mother of the Groom (and everyone else involved with the wedding). As my third time as Mother of the Groom, I realize every wedding is unique because the circumstances of each bride and groom is different than other ones. 

Here are "my" universal rules for Mother of the Groom:

1. LOVE

Love your son. Love your son's choice for his bride, life partner, and the newest member of your family.  When God blesses parents with a newborn baby, we fall in love with our child. But let's be real, some moments are not so lovely-constant diaper changing, crying of unknown origin, sleepless nights, etc. Perhaps we need to consider our future daughter-in-law in a similar way. What are the characteristics that we can absolutely fall in love with and also realize there may be parts that are not so lovely?

When I got married, my "Mother of the Groom" was not at all warm and fuzzy to me. At times, I perceived that she was downright mean to me. Through the years I began to understand her more than I could appreciate as a young bride. I am so thankful that God did bless our relationship with healing before she died. (A very special story for another time.)  

Recently I had a friend tell me that she has had no contact with her in-laws since she got married- 25+ years ago. When I asked her why she quickly replied, "They're mean!" Ouch. Could that be ME at times? Definitely NOT the legacy I want to leave.  

Love the bride. Ask her questions. Pay attention to her interests, joys, favorite foods. Find out about the challenges in her life. 

Listen. Seek to understand what the bride and groom want for their wedding.  (Conversations are best had when everyone is rested and fed.)

Love is patient, kind, forgiving, and rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  1 Corinthians 13

2. LAUGH

At the end of the day, the bride and groom will be married. No matter how carefully you plan absolutely everything, there will always be something that goes wrong. 

"The cake fell on the floor." That was the bad news my friend's mother met her with as she walked into her wedding reception. The entire cake had slid off the table and splatted on the floor. My friend burst out laughing. Soon everyone was laughing. Even now I smile thinking about that moment that was met with humor instead of stress. 

At my wedding, my bridesmaid sister was pregnant. The August wedding date that my husband hoped would be a typical moderate WI summer temperature was over 100 degrees. The church did not have A.C. -many places in our town did not have A.C in that era-so my other sisters set up a fan for her. When we were all standing up front, my sister realized the fan was blowing not on her, but on the wall. We all started giggling a bit. That little bit of laughter seemed to make the hot temperatures seem a bit cooler. 

When one of my sons got married, the venue did not provide alcohol, but we could bring champagne in for a  toast. We gathered the bride, groom, parents, and siblings and did a taste test of a few different types in order to pick the one we would use on the special day. We had blindfolds and a silly rating scale. The lighthearted evening was such a fun break from the intensity and pressures of wedding planning. The laughter we had that evening created a new special bond between the two families. 

How can you find laughter amidst the pressure for everything to be perfect? In the end, the things that go  wrong, will be the funny stories that will be told and retold. 

 

3. LET IT GO

My eldest son wisely advises brides and grooms to each pick three things that are most important and let everything else go because at the end of the day what is most important is that the bride and groom are married. So much more important than the one wedding day is the marriage that lasts a life time.

Ahhh the bringing together of families and traditions can be tricky. I love to watch "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", but I do not like living it.  Almost every summer for 14 years, one of my nieces or nephews has gotten married. Like a rolling snowball, each wedding seems to add another family wedding "tradition". Now that it is my son getting married, I want to incorporate and honor all these special family "traditions". However, this is not my wedding, it is their wedding. Not all of these "traditions" will happen it is a blending of families. "Let it go." 

My mom had a helpful mantra,'"Don't sweat the small stuff. Make everything the small stuff."

Ida Mall, former National President of LWML, declares, "If it is not about salvation, let it go!" So many things in this world do not ultimately matter. To have a proper perspective on the wedding day rules, Ida's advice rings loud and clear. "If it is not about salvation, let it go." 

Mother of the Groom, how can you love, laugh and let it go?! 

"Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all." 2 Thessalonians 3:16

Courage Through the Covid-19 Storm: Dealing with Tension

Tips for THRIVING

Tip #12 Manage emotions in a healthy way.

Listen to this blogpost on Anchor
https://anchor.fm/karen-sue-murdy/episodes/Courage-Through-the-Covid-19-Storm-Dealing-with-Tension-eeu7vi

and Spotify https://open.spotify.com/episode/2HrjTRGiBsnvWU17syAOEk

Do you feel the tension in the air?

Did you feel it in March as everybody wondered if Covid-19 was going to descend upon their
home and kill their family members?

Did you feel it in April as weariness of the stay at home orders felt exhausting,
as the weariness of finding toilet paper and hand sanitizer challenged even the most determined,
and as the weariness of the unknown wore on and on?

Did you feel it in May as people mingled words of fear, freedom, masks,
safe social distancing, vulnerable, open economy, unemployment, "subject to change"?
What's safe? What's not? What's the future hold?

It is as if everyone has the tension of a stretched rubber band.

And then the tragedy of George Floyd. The policeman who killed him, along with the other
policemen at the scene acted, horribly horrifyingly. I don't know of anyone thinks what they did
was right. What they did was clearly wrong. (My sympathies to the loved ones of Mr. Floyd.)

People exploded.  Peaceful protests I understand, but I struggle to comprehend how
burning buildings and harming more people solves anything in this complex issue.

Who is the enemy? Other people are not the enemy.
The enemy is Satan. Thankfully, Jesus conquered Satan for us.
We are citizens of Heaven, but reside only temporarily on this earth.
Because of Jesus death on the cross and His resurrection on Easter, we live with the
hope of Heaven, where death shall be no more.

In my extended Hinz Family, each week someone picks out the "Hinz Family Bible verses" for all
of us to read each day. Here are the verses my sister picked out three weeks ago for all of us to read
on these dates. It gives me goose bumps to think of how God was speaking so directly to me through His Word.

Tuesday May 26

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there
be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. (‭‭Revelation‬ ‭21:4)‬ ‭

Thursday May 28

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. (Romans 12:9-12)

Friday May 29

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Live in harmony with one another.
Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.
Never be wise in your own sight. (Romans 12:14-16)

Saturday May 30

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God,
for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."  (Romans 12:17-19)

In these days of tension, how can you manage your emotions in a healthy way?
What are ways you deal with emotions?
Here are a few good choices to think about: exercising, journaling, laughing, crying, deep breathing, being still. 

I challenge you to...Hold fast to what is good.
Live in harmony with one another. So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 

Covid-19 Challenge. 

Exercise often. 

Experience nature every day. 

Interact with others in outside settings whenever possible. 

Wear masks inside in public places. 

Wash your hands. 

Be thankful.  

Spread kindness and laughter.

Keep your eyes on God.  

Please "follow me" so you will be notified of when the next blog post is available.

"Courage Through the Covid-19 Storm": Humor

Tips for THRIVING

Tip #8 Laugh-the More, the Better
Listen to this blogpost on Anchor https://anchor.fm/karen-sue-murdy/episodes/Courage-Through-the-Covid-19-Storm-Humor-edcq45https://anchor.fm/karen-sue-murdy/episodes/Courage-Through-the-Covid-19-Storm-Humor-edcq45
or on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/episode/0tAib0AVYGn7i4CVofQFo1

"I have reduced my toilet paper consumption by 25%", declared my friend.  "How do you know that?" I asked with amazement. She went onto explain how she decreased from four squares to three squares. Her son thought that was excessive, since he used two squares!
Just the week before, my son had informed us that "hurricane rations" of TP was six squares. Let me just say I'm a middle-ager and until now, I have never ever counted toilet paper squares! (And to be clear, I do love numbers and have a history of counting things...just never before toilet paper squares. Here is proof of my counting things .http://karensuemurdy.blogspot.com/2017/01/clutter-free-delights.html and by the way it ended up being over 8000 things that I cleared out!)

One of my favorite benefits of this pandemic is the laughter. Everywhere I turn-which of course with stay in place orders has been somewhat limited-I find humor. Facebook. Texts from family and friends. Netflix. And do you know things that are humorous are often even funnier when they are bigger? Everything in Texas IS BIGGER and for Christmas, my husband bought us an Apple TV which I pretty much never used, until pandemic lock down.  Now every night the three of us gather.  At supper my son always says, "Let's watch something funny tonight." That starts the ball rolling and we all share the funnies of the day on the "big screen" thanks to Apple TV. Full disclosure-our TV is a whomping big 54" screen. Laughter has many benefits: decreasing anxiety and depression (we all need that in Covid-19 craziness), releasing endorphins, creating a positive emotional environment, reducing pain, improving job performance, reducing blood sugar, etc. Read more about laughter here https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456

One of my long time friends, Jean Reinbold has the spiritual gift of laughter. If you are in the room with Jean, her very contagious laugh and funny stories will soon have you rolling with laughter, too. As a social worker now, I'm sure Jean is such a blessing to all her clients.She takes Proverbs 15:13 seriously: "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken."  
Here is a picture of us along with our other cheerleader friends in 8th grade:

But I digress.  Back to toilet paper. On February 26, my husband sent me a CDC update re: community spread of Covid-19. "Disruption to everyday life may be severe," warned Dr. Nancy Messonnier, the director of the CDC's National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases. She mentioned that depending on each situation, schools may need to close or implement virtual learning. Businesses should be prepare with telework options. Mass gatherings may need to be closed." My husband (knowing I'm more of a day to day grocery shopper gal since H-E-B is practically next door) told me to go buy groceries and toilet paper. I did as he said, although definitely doubting the need. I made a Sam's Club run. One package of TP with 32 JUMBO+ sized rolls 271 sheets/roll! At the time I thought it was a bit silly. Well y'all know the rest of the story. Why in the world didn't I snag a second package of toilet paper?? I could have run it to my sister who has been on the toilet paper hunt. (Some of you may know how that goes. First you start looking for your favorite brand; then you are happy to settle for any decent brand; finally, you just want any toilet paper!)

A facebook post summed up my past 50 something years of toilet paper usage (including camping trips for two weeks at Lake Powell on a houseboat in the middle of nowhere): "I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune." That was definitely me until March 20, 2020.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I really needed to know how long that 32 JUMBO+sized rolls were going to last. I insisted that everyone in our house use the same bathroom so I could determine how many days one roll of toilet paper actually would last. I'm happy to report that since I have reduced my usage to four squares (I'm just not as good as my friend down to her three squares) and I am living with two males (one husband, one son-please don't start any false rumors) who do not use that much toilet paper apparently, one roll lasts for quite a bit longer than I thought. I've heard on Next Door post it is getting easier to buy toilet paper now. I need to go snag some more quick before the second wave of Covid-19.

Covid-19 Challenge: Set a timer for 60 minutes and when it rings, gather everyone in your household to take a one minute walk outside and around a tree or two, each person sharing something for which s/he is thankful now. REPEAT. 

(If you are alone, do the same, but text someone what you are thankful for when you come back inside.)

Wash your hands. Wear a mask and do NOT touch your face-especially when you are out of your home (like going to the grocery store). Try to stay 6 feet apart from those not living in your household. 

Please "follow me" so you will be notified of when the next blog post is available. 
UP NEXT TIME: Kindness