BEST "Rules" for Mother of the Groom

 

"Wear beige and keep your mouth shut!" Those were the initial words of advice from friends when the first of my sons got engaged. 

I do not wear beige and keeping my mouth shut is definitely not my forte.

On the internet are many lists of rules of do's and don't for the Mother of the Groom (and everyone else involved with the wedding). As my third time as Mother of the Groom, I realize every wedding is unique because the circumstances of each bride and groom is different than other ones. 

Here are "my" universal rules for Mother of the Groom:

1. LOVE

Love your son. Love your son's choice for his bride, life partner, and the newest member of your family.  When God blesses parents with a newborn baby, we fall in love with our child. But let's be real, some moments are not so lovely-constant diaper changing, crying of unknown origin, sleepless nights, etc. Perhaps we need to consider our future daughter-in-law in a similar way. What are the characteristics that we can absolutely fall in love with and also realize there may be parts that are not so lovely?

When I got married, my "Mother of the Groom" was not at all warm and fuzzy to me. At times, I perceived that she was downright mean to me. Through the years I began to understand her more than I could appreciate as a young bride. I am so thankful that God did bless our relationship with healing before she died. (A very special story for another time.)  

Recently I had a friend tell me that she has had no contact with her in-laws since she got married- 25+ years ago. When I asked her why she quickly replied, "They're mean!" Ouch. Could that be ME at times? Definitely NOT the legacy I want to leave.  

Love the bride. Ask her questions. Pay attention to her interests, joys, favorite foods. Find out about the challenges in her life. 

Listen. Seek to understand what the bride and groom want for their wedding.  (Conversations are best had when everyone is rested and fed.)

Love is patient, kind, forgiving, and rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  1 Corinthians 13

2. LAUGH

At the end of the day, the bride and groom will be married. No matter how carefully you plan absolutely everything, there will always be something that goes wrong. 

"The cake fell on the floor." That was the bad news my friend's mother met her with as she walked into her wedding reception. The entire cake had slid off the table and splatted on the floor. My friend burst out laughing. Soon everyone was laughing. Even now I smile thinking about that moment that was met with humor instead of stress. 

At my wedding, my bridesmaid sister was pregnant. The August wedding date that my husband hoped would be a typical moderate WI summer temperature was over 100 degrees. The church did not have A.C. -many places in our town did not have A.C in that era-so my other sisters set up a fan for her. When we were all standing up front, my sister realized the fan was blowing not on her, but on the wall. We all started giggling a bit. That little bit of laughter seemed to make the hot temperatures seem a bit cooler. 

When one of my sons got married, the venue did not provide alcohol, but we could bring champagne in for a  toast. We gathered the bride, groom, parents, and siblings and did a taste test of a few different types in order to pick the one we would use on the special day. We had blindfolds and a silly rating scale. The lighthearted evening was such a fun break from the intensity and pressures of wedding planning. The laughter we had that evening created a new special bond between the two families. 

How can you find laughter amidst the pressure for everything to be perfect? In the end, the things that go  wrong, will be the funny stories that will be told and retold. 

 

3. LET IT GO

My eldest son wisely advises brides and grooms to each pick three things that are most important and let everything else go because at the end of the day what is most important is that the bride and groom are married. So much more important than the one wedding day is the marriage that lasts a life time.

Ahhh the bringing together of families and traditions can be tricky. I love to watch "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", but I do not like living it.  Almost every summer for 14 years, one of my nieces or nephews has gotten married. Like a rolling snowball, each wedding seems to add another family wedding "tradition". Now that it is my son getting married, I want to incorporate and honor all these special family "traditions". However, this is not my wedding, it is their wedding. Not all of these "traditions" will happen it is a blending of families. "Let it go." 

My mom had a helpful mantra,'"Don't sweat the small stuff. Make everything the small stuff."

Ida Mall, former National President of LWML, declares, "If it is not about salvation, let it go!" So many things in this world do not ultimately matter. To have a proper perspective on the wedding day rules, Ida's advice rings loud and clear. "If it is not about salvation, let it go." 

Mother of the Groom, how can you love, laugh and let it go?! 

"Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all." 2 Thessalonians 3:16